That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
