This is not my ceiling
Non-Jews are for practice
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
