They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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