fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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