You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
