Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
