Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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