Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
