Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
