omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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