Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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