I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The Olympian is in my bed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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