I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
