Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
