I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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