Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
