When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
