Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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