Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
