I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
