I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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