i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize