The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
