I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
