he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
