Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
