So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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