If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
