i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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