i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
