I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
