Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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