Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
