Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
