Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
