I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
