dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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