i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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