Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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