I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
