I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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