New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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