So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
