Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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