I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
