It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
