I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
