I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You have to summon your inner elephant
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
