she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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