I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
