did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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