You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
