He kissed a someone with a penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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