I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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