Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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