I just threw up on my dentist
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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