when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
