Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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