I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
