if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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