I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
