Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's blow job season.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
