It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
