She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found your dick twin last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
