god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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