that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm just crazy horny about you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
